When I began putting thoughts together for the article for this month, I pulled out the note pad that I routinely use to jot down random ideas for topics. I reviewed my scribbles, then put the tablet back down, thinking to myself that “it just doesn’t matter.” There it was, my topic had revealed itself
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you know there is much to do, but you don’t know what to work on first? Or even when you do start on something specific, you hit a wall of some kind that forces you to abandon that task and go find something else to work on? That has happened many times in the past few weeks, and too often I have found myself thinking or saying “it doesn’t even matter.” It’s almost as if I am repeatedly telling myself that it is OK to take the easy way out of whatever challenge I am dealing with.
I am not quite sure how all of this came together, but about that same time, there was a great guitar solo echoing in my head and I immediately comprehended that I am living out some very strange Pink Floyd lyrics. From a song on their 1979 album The Wall, “I can’t explain, you would not understand. This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb.”
The timing on this realization is ironic, in so many ways. It was five years ago, to the day, that I tried to determine whether my head is really harder than a tree limb, or the ground, or both. For anyone who was not reading my articles back then, the result of that adventure was a traumatic brain injury (TBI) that significantly affected my speech, balance and memory.
This irony starts with the fact that the first article I wrote after the injury was something about paying attention to the things in life that matter. Yet here I am, five years later, saying to myself that some of those same things do not matter. It is never a good thing when stress causes one to deviate from carrying out normal actions and strategies that have proven to be successful.
The next part of the irony has to do with some of the lasting effects from the TBI. These symptoms are not usually noticeable to anyone else. My right foot is numb more often than not. I have periods of numbness in the right side of my face and my right hand. All of that has just become the new “normal” and I have just adapted to the point that I rarely think about any of it. Occasionally, though, something happens to force me to acknowledge the reality of my situation. Usually, it comes in the form of a random sharp pain somewhere. Whenever that happens, it’s enough to get my attention. It never fails to make me realize that my outcome could have been so much worse, and to remind me that there has still been gradual improvement from where I was even a year ago.
My real point here is that the potential long term impact of this numb state of mind is more frightening than anything I experience related to my physical condition, and it needs some immediate attention. Any member of my team would tell you that encouraging them to find “work-arounds” is a major change from my normal approach of expecting them to use effective and repeatable processes to achieve the desired end result. As I become more aware of the effects of my own emotional numbness, I can see that it is creating a sense of discomfort and disorientation for my employees. That can only be resolved by getting back on our familiar path of continuous improvement toward specific objectives, and that requires overcoming this psychological numbness. If we continue to experience this lack of direction as a team, we are at risk of losing all the credibility and respect we have spent the past several years building.
I am pretty sure there could be sharp pains of some kind to get my attention in that context, eventually, but maybe this can be fixed before it gets that serious. At this point, the right approach is to focus on the recovery. With the TBI, it would have been really easy to give in to that feeling of being overwhelmed because I didn’t know what to work on first, walking or talking. Significant challenges at work, or anywhere in life, are much the same. The most important thing to remember is just to focus on doing one thing that will make a positive difference. I fully realize how hard it is when there seem to be many high-priority expectations coming from all different directions. Even when I know what I am supposed to do, it is not always easy to actually do those things while in the midst of other conflicting demands. In situations where you may not be sure of the right course of action, it is often appropriate to pause momentarily, determine the one best opportunity for the greatest return on your invested energy, and make a conscious decision to let other things wait. Work on that one objective until you achieve success with it, then move on to the next challenge. The advice of a mentor may be very beneficial in these situations, to help you choose the right place to start.
In the case of the TBI, the therapists knew it was important to have me focus first on walking independently. Once I regained balance and mobility, I could get up and get what I wanted or needed, making it less critical for me to be able to speak clearly. They were like the mentors, advising me that working on the speech exercises was a lower priority than the physical therapy.
With the correlations between my physical numbness from the TBI and the emotional numbness due to the challenges at work, it is easy for me to come to the conclusion that there is really nothing comfortable about being numb. It is only a coping mechanism that may be helpful to get through periods of significant pain. No question, it may be difficult to implement significant changes in processes or to make major revisions in systems, and it is common to experience that feeling of being overwhelmed and numb at times. If you diligently tackle one small portion at a time, eventually you will be able to look back and see that you have made great progress. The pain and numbness will have faded into a distant memory, and you will feel a legitimate sense of comfort.
Disclaimer Notice: All comments, ideas, opinions or suggestions expressed herein are those of the author and are not in any way representative of the author’s employer or of any organization the author may be associated with.