As some of you are aware, I conduct a presentation that I call “Successful Customer Relations Skills.” In the presentation, I talk about many things including a communication model, nonverbal communication, personalities and managing dissatisfaction. The personalities portion always becomes a lively discussion because people aggressively defend the personality they believe they are. This is especially true if they have taken one or more of those personality assessment tests.
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These “tests” normally place the individual into one of sixteen personality cubbyholes. The cubbyhole is determined by the individual’s answers to questions that place the individual into various circumstances. I always object to the use of external personality-defining “tests” because they tend to simplify the complexity that is a human personality. Also, if the test provides “proof” that the individual is a certain personality, it may generate confusion and dissonance within the now cubbyholed person. On the other hand, the test may just tell you what you told it and reinforce your false belief.
I have always been in the minority in my opinion of these personality assessments. I always felt that no one is better equipped to assess a person than the person herself. In my presentation, I provide detailed descriptions of some of the attitudes and behaviors demonstrated by four wide ranging personality types and ask the audience to self-assess.
I give the audience one instruction: Do not put yourself in situations that force you to act a certain way. Put yourself in a place where you are not influenced by outside constraints.
I call this place “where you live,” a place where you are comfortable without the need to act or feel in a certain way. By removing yourself from the external requirements of the situation, you can better assess what you are comfortable with and how you truly feel. Are you more comfortable with people or projects? Are you more satisfied with the outcome of your efforts or the process of getting there? These types of questions are non situational and can help you define your motives, attitudes and objectives.
It is important for each of us to understand where we live so we can predict when we will likely be outside of our comfort zone and prepare. You should know who you are and what drives and motivates your behavior. It is also important to be able to assess where others may live so we can prepare to not drag them out of their comfort zone. That is the difficult part.
People are complex and how they will alter their behavior according to the external forces and constraints of each specific situation. We all act one way at work and another way in social situations and even with different people. People are not easy to understand especially if we use only their behavior as a guide.
Leadership training guru and author Peter Bregman states that people are not easy to understand and they shouldn’t be. He also dislikes the personality assessment tests. He feels that people are too complicated to be summed up in a simple assessment. He believes that these tests provide an illusion of understanding at the cost of truth and freedom.
Regarding the evaluation of others, Mr. Bregman suggests that we take an “I don’t know” attitude. Observe how people behave in the multitudes of situations that you find them in and enjoy the process of getting to know them. This is great advice.
I add that if you can determine where people live, who they really are, you can take steps to make them feel more comfortable. This publication is targeted at the people who sell, maintain and repair medical equipment so how should a service professional respond to an unhappy nurse whose equipment is malfunctioning? “I understand how you feel when the equipment is down and you are losing money” or “I understand how you feel when the equipment is down and it interferes with your ability to care for your patients.” The nurse, by nature of the job, is more likely to “live” in the second statement.
If you can be correct a majority of the time in your assessment of where others live, you will be better able to treat others as they wish to be treated. You will have better relationships, be surprised less often and be the life of the party.
Just so you know. I took a personality test in the interest of science. It described me perfectly.
