We had a dinner party over the Memorial Day weekend and one friend asked me why I set the place settings a certain way. I told her my Mom was very savvy on proper etiquette even when setting a table. Whether for a quick meal or a formal dinner, the table was set a very specific way and we never started eating until everyone was seated and said a prayer. As we talked more about etiquette and manners, my friend laughed and said she was taught the normal “please, thank you, and excuse me,” but never specific table etiquette or manners as most of it was “common sense” courtesies.
When most people think about good manners, it’s mostly an afterthought – something your mother drilled into you when you were a child. Most of us think manners are automatic by the time you’re an adult and should be common sense. But that’s not necessarily true.
Of course everyone knows about “please” and “thank you,” but anyone who interacts with other people in the business world needs to know more about manners. Respect, kindness, and consideration form the basis of good manners and are virtues that can be learned – and they also need to be practiced so that they become second nature.
In the normal course of our Healthcare Technology Management (HTM) business, we see the lack of good business etiquette and manners, especially when it comes to the use of cellphones, social media and common courtesies.
Manners and etiquette go hand in hand, but are not the same. One dictionary defines business etiquette as generally accepted behavior, or formal manners and rules that are followed in social or professional settings that help people be civil and act accordingly. Etiquette becomes the language of manners. Rules of etiquette are the guiding codes that enable us to practice good manners. Etiquette is not just about knowing which fork or knife to use. True etiquette goes well beyond that. It’s a fundamental quality that comes from within and encompasses many aspects: kindness, empathy, courtesy – a consideration for those who are around us. We may need an etiquette book to learn which utensils to use, but we don’t need an etiquette book to learn to be civil or use common courtesies.
There are social guidelines and manners to be followed in business situations when dealing with others. Writing a thank you note is one example of good etiquette. An example of a lack of business etiquette is when someone is late for a meeting or a business appointment, showing a lack of respect.
Within the first few minutes of meeting someone, they will form a first impression that will likely be long-lasting and hard to change. Those who show care in the way they behave when others are around them display the qualities of leadership. They quietly guide others by their examples. Courteous and respectful manners don’t go unnoticed. We see them because they stand out and are appreciated.
Unfortunately, technology advancements have created situations where many people do not use good business etiquette and manners or even common sense courtesies. One of the top pet peeves today is the noise most people make when they thoughtlessly use their cellphones in enclosed public spaces. Speaking loudly on your cellphone in the proximity of other people who are trying to enjoy their meal, for example, is the technological equivalent of slurping your soup.
Some of the biggest complaints I hear are about phone conversations in an office or on a cellphone. Social calls are never a wise thing to do during work hours, especially if you are in close proximity to others. Text messaging has also grown tremendously, along with the abuse of texting – whether doing it secretly under the table during a meeting or in a restaurant or openly while with others shows disrespect. Constantly checking your phone for messages is another growing problem. Never check messages while you are actually talking to someone. Have the courtesy to give your partner in conversation your full attention.
Ringtones no longer seem to be for the sole purpose of signaling an incoming call. For many people, they are a way to attract attention to themselves and their hipness, and all it really does is annoy others in close proximity. If your ringtone falls in this category, consider changing it.
Don’t be offensive with your camera. Consider where you are and refrain from taking those silly photos or selfies for a time when you are not in a professional setting or restaurant!
Don’t leave voicemails that are longer than 30 seconds. Often a person leaves a voicemail that starts with mumbling his or her name too quickly for us to catch it, then leaving a long, rambling message, with the phone number mumbled too quickly at the end. Practice consideration by slowing down slightly at the beginning of the message, enunciating your name and phone number before going into your message. Conclude your message by briefly restating your name and phone number.
With the difficult job market and tough competition today, you need to stand out from the others and make a good impression. It is not enough to be technically savvy, smart and experienced to succeed in today’s workplace. If your technical skills are comparable with your peers or your competitors, then the use of common courtesies, good business etiquette and manners, along with excellent communication skills can put you ahead and ensure you stand out in a very competitive market.
You would be surprised that in the world of social media and high-tech tools, the use of common courtesies has declined, especially in a candidate’s job search process. Thank you letters fall in the category of common courtesies that few candidates think about doing. I am a bit old fashioned and I still believe in thanking people even for the little things they do whether it is in business or in my personal life. I am constantly surprised that only a few people bother to thank the people who helped them along the way. Many people don’t even bother to write thank you notes after telephone interviews, or even worse, after face-to-face interviews for new jobs.
Yes, there is a difference is between etiquette and manners. Whether opening a door for someone or not contributing to office gossip, demonstrating good manners simply shows respect for others. Anyone can learn the rules of etiquette, but the true business professional knows proper respect and kindness.
I am so thankful that my mom instilled excellent manners and etiquette in our family, which we have handed down to our children and use daily in our business and personal lives. Even my 9-year-old grandson has excellent table manners and etiquette.
Showcasing proper business etiquette and good manners in our fast-paced and t
