By Manny Roman, CRES
I was enjoying a few cold ones with a dear friend the other evening and the conversation turned to business, as it usually does. The particular subject was the manner in which some people conduct business, especially the apparent lack of ethics, honor and integrity. I, of course, have an opinion about this.
I attempted to explain how a package of experiences, beliefs and a value system affects how we journey through business and life. Since my excellent presentation of the subject was somewhat impaired by the few cold ones, my friend had some difficulty grasping the subtle and important points that I thought I was making. So, I decided to put the explanation in writing. I am killing two birds by boring you readers with the topic as well.
Let’s first discuss what a value system is. A value system is shaped by the person’s virtues and vices. A personal value system is a set of beliefs, principles, concepts, assumptions and ground rules which drive our behavior. This value system, especially when it is well-defined, provides a compass and a highway on which we travel. We generally will not allow ourselves to deviate far from this path. The value system determines what we will do when confronted with alternate options. For example, if your value system requires that you will not steal, you would return an overpayment. You would not even think about keeping it.
A well-defined value system makes decisions easy. If it is within your value system, go for it. If it is outside the system, don’t do it. A new employee once asked me what to do about a request she had received that she thought was wrong. My advice: If you stray from your value system once, it becomes easier to do twice and three times until it is now a new system.
So, how do we acquire this value system? Over our lifetime, we are molded by nature, nurture, chance and choice. As our experiences accumulate, both good and bad, they become part of our belief system. We internalize the particular conduct that we believe to be socially, morally and personally acceptable. This is our value system and it determines how we will respond and what we will value in life, what is meaningful and important.
The problem is that we all have different life experiences and have been shaped by how they affected us and how we responded. Therefore, as my father would say, “Every head contains a different world.” We all value money differently. Some are always chasing one more dollar. We value family differently. Some abuse their family members. We even value life differently. Some have no issue with murder.
In the discussion with my friend, the ethics, honor and integrity issues in question were from our perspectives. Our own beliefs and values modified by our own experiences had to be defined in order to establish perspective and common ground.
When we just can’t understand how someone could do what they do, it is because we have a different value system. It is important to understand that, to that individual, there is probably nothing out of the ordinary because that is their ordinary. That is the value system that they have developed and nurtured over their lifetime.
I will say it again: “Communication is key.” When someone does something that does not make sense to me I attribute it to my not having enough information. To achieve understanding, I will need to investigate their value system. I may still not get it, but at least now I know why.
I suggest that you investigate your own value system to see if you should be making modifications to it. It takes courage to conduct this exploration. You may find a glitch or two, however after the exercise you will at least have your own system well-defined.
A well-defined value system, in my opinion, is invaluable in decision-making. A great question to always ask yourself is: “What would I like to see happen?” This ensures that you are prepared to have the emotional courage to move in the right direction.
My friend and I have decided that our friendship is more important than comparing our value systems – especially since comparison is the thief of joy and we do enjoy our cold ones.
The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of TechNation or MD Publishing.