By Manny Roman, CRES
We were having a few cold ones with neighbors not long ago and the conversation turned to the enhancements that most of us are performing on our homes. Some are updating inside their homes and others are enhancing their outdoor spaces. Ruth and I are working on the outdoor areas.
As we discussed the projects and their expected additional beauty and functionality, it became obvious that we admired some projects more than others. We may even have questioned the wisdom and value of some of the neighbors’ projects. Yeah, perhaps a little jealousy reared its ugly head.
This is when a neighbor said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” There was silence while we pondered the meaning of the statement.
We asked where she had heard this and she replied that her granddaughter heard it in one of her classes in college. A discussion of the meaning, wisdom and cautionary intent of the phrase ensued.
The phrase is attributed to Theodore Roosevelt and apparently has basis in the Bible. My interpretation is that comparing our state of being to others will likely result in unpleasant emotions. They always have more and better stuff, make more money and have better-looking children and dogs than we do. Rather than feeling joy in where we are, we aspire to more and more.
It reminds me of the story of the two gentlemen at a cocktail party. In walks That Guy that everyone admires and aspires to be. One of the two gentlemen expresses his admiration and laments that he himself wishes to have what That Guy has. The other gentleman says, “I have something That Guy will never have.” The first gentleman looks incredulously at him and asks, “What would that be?” The reply, “Enough.”
The need to compare is probably inherent and unavoidable. However, what we see depends on where we choose to sit. If we sit on the jealous and envy chair, we will be disappointed and have other negative feelings. These may affect how we view those who have the perceived more and better stuff. If we sit on the contentment chair, we will see that everyone has different needs and wants and definitions of Enough.
We tend to lower ourselves and elevate others when we compare. Writer Jon Acuff says, “Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.” Don’t allow yourself to view the end result of someone else’s accomplishments with negativity toward yourself. If we make a comparison from a weakened state of emotion then we will automatically perceive the others at their best.
The best way to remove comparison from the equation is to have a well-defined Enough. Know what you are working toward. Know what will make you happy and content. Plan to accomplish your goals and objectives and know when you are done. Realize that there will always be others with more and better stuff and don’t let that fact reduce your joy with your accomplishments.
All that said, comparison is good if applied in the correct context. Compare your situation right now to someone way less fortunate and you should feel gratitude. Research indicates that grateful people are happy people. The more grateful you feel the happier you will be. By simply causing yourself to be grateful for what you have and where you are in life, you will increase your happiness level. Even without that new car.
This comparison to find gratitude should also cause you to feel more compassionate for those who are less fortunate. Acting on your gratitude by helping those less fortunate will also increase the feelings of gratitude and happiness.
As for me, I feel fortunate to be where I am in life. I have always said, and felt, that my life has been a series of fortunate events. I am grateful for the many years of life, the wonderful industry I worked in, the multitudes of great people I have known and call friends, and especially my many years with my Saint Ruth.
I have Enough. I am content with my palm tree to sit under with Saint Ruth.
