Manny’s Moans – On Hearing
A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art.. It’s perfect.”
”Really!” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”
A man goes to the doctor. “Doctor,” he says, “I think my wife is going deaf. She hardly ever hears what I’m saying.” The doctor says, “ Let’s do an experiment. Stand fifteen feet away and ask a question. If she doesn’t answer, move five feet closer and repeat until she answers.”
The man goes home. His wife is at the kitchen stove. “What’s for diner?” He asks. No answer. He moves closer and again no reply. He is just a couple of feet away when she finally answers “For the fourth time, chicken!”
So… “What’s with the hearing jokes?” you say. I will tell you.
I had my hearing tested last week. I suspected that I had hearing loss. Ruth said that I just don’t ever listen. As it turns out, we are both correct.
Next time you see me, I will be sporting new aids for hearing. So why should you care? I will, probably, respond more intelligently than before. I will no longer just smile and nod my head when asked something like, “Where do you want to eat?” Or “I’m from Las Vegas”, when asked by the sommelier (the wine guy), “What level are you?”
This last question, and my response, is what prompted me to get my ears checked. We were at the Indiana Biomedical Society Conference last month. John Krieg took a few of us to a snazzy pizza place. When the wine guy was presenting the wine, John told him to have me taste it. I, of course, did not hear him.
I did my normal shaking of my head and acting as if the wine was bad. Once I am satisfied by the shock on the wine guy’s face, I say that it is great and to pour it. The wine guy looked at me strangely but that is normal. He brought over many bottles for us to try and there was much flourish.
When he handed the check to John, (thanks John), he leaned all the way across the table to shake my hand. I thought this was strange since John was the one buying. Then I heard him say, “Where are you from?” “I’m from Las Vegas,” I said.
He looked a little worried. He proceeded to tell me that there are only four in all of Indiana. This was the first clue that I had not heard his question correctly. Once I realized that he thought I was a real sommelier, I understood that he was saying that Indiana has few level four sommeliers, whatever that means.
I told him that I am not a sommelier, which irritated him to the point that, later when he walked behind my chair, he gave it a good shot. He had walked past many times before and missed, so I knew he was upset with me.
As we exited, John informed me that he had told the wine guy that I was a sommelier. Now all was clear. I realized two things: listen more carefully to John when he sets me up and I need my ears checked.
Ruth has been telling me that I need my ears checked for quite a while, which may be why she says that I don’t listen. My aids for hearing should improve my hearing. Ruth is disappointed that no aids for listening exist.
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