Dear Manny,
Moaning is good. It keeps people knowing what’s on your mind.
Complaining is good, if not kept constant. By this I mean the “constant complainer.” Hearing the SOS and not being able to correct it is a drag. And bitchin’ about stuff… I won’t start there yet. Where do you draw the line between bitching and moaning?
Signed,
Quit Bitchin’
Dear Bitchin’,
There is in fact a continuum of expression, from mildly annoying to downright irritating.
There are those who moan. Moaning is a little annoying to others (excepting mine, of course) yet somehow amusing. Moans are amusing because generally a moan does not accuse, nor does it need to be addressed by others. Moans are just a non-hostile grumble that can generally be ignored (again, excepting mine). Also, moans tend to be short (you guessed it – excepting mine).
Next is venting, which is generally more forceful and cannot really be ignored by others. Venting takes the form of a somewhat long-winded expression of frustration. Venting generally does not need addressing. Actually, the receiver of the venting should just quietly listen and then generally ignore what the person is saying. There is no expectation of action when venting. Do not ask for clarification or attempt to correct the venting. Venting is like a puff of smoke that should be allowed to dissipate naturally.
Complaining begins the process of irritating others. You know who you are. You constantly express disapproval of people, places, things and situations to anyone close enough to not be able to escape. You hold others hostage and assail them with your dissatisfaction. Complaints are almost never combined with a possible solution. The problem with complaints is that sometimes there is a legitimate action that should be taken, but the way that the complaint is expressed causes others to want to ignore it.
Bitching is the most irritating form of expressing dislike for something. This is when there is no legitimate cause of the discomfort. The individual just does not have any positive words in his vocabulary, and others run when they see him.
So is there a positive way to express your concern without making others want to ignore you? Yes there is, but I will let you moan, vent, complain or bitch that I did not give you the answer. I may then moan the answer.
Write your comments below, and let me know what you want me to Moan about.
Got a burning question for Manny? Email mannysmoans@mdpublishing.com.