How can you expect people to trust you when you’re not trustworthy? I know we think we are trustworthy, and we try to be trustworthy, but are we really?
trust·wor·thy
adjective: trustworthy
able to be relied on as honest or truthful.
Whether you are a manager or an employee, you have to remember that trust is built over time. And most importantly, it’s not what you say, it’s what you do. As the definition states, to be trustworthy you have to be honest and truthful, every time, not just when it is easy, even when it’s uncomfortable.
When you are giving feedback, for example, you have to be professional, but you have to be honest. If you say something that is not really the way you feel, it’s hard to people to believe you the next time. I have worked with many managers who found it difficult to say the hard stuff. They thought they were sparing the employee by not being totally honest when they were giving them feedback, but in reality, they were hurting the employee. First of all, it mis-lead the employee into thinking that they were doing a satisfactory job, and usually, it lead to disappointment down the road on one or both sides. For example, during the year, the manager would not be totally honest about the employee’s performance and then when appraisal time came, he dropped the hammer and started pointing out all the things the employee did wrong throughout the year, leading to a poor score on the appraisal.
And then there were managers who gave high scores on appraisals because they were uncomfortable rating the employee below average because they didn’t want conflict during the appraisal. Then, a short time later, they fired the employee because they got fed up with their poor performance.
Both scenarios are trouble. In the first case, had the manager been honest with the employee all year, she may have been able to improve her performance before appraisal time, leading to a higher score and possibly a better raise, and the manager would already have a better performing employee.
In the later, the manager could be setting their organization up for a lawsuit or at least a disgruntled ex-employee because they were blind sighted by being fired. They thought everything was going great and then they got fired.
This type of behavior makes you untrustworthy. If they can’t count on knowing that what you say is what you think and what you will do, then they will always be suspicious. The truth can sometimes hurt. And generally we don’t like to hurt people. We need to reframe the way we think about this. Allowing people to continue in a way that could adversely affect their job at a later date hurts people more. As a manager you need to deliver feedback in a professional manner that lets the employee know you are sharing this information to help them, that you want them to succeed, but this may hold them back.
Always say what you mean, and do what you say, even when it is difficult. People start out trusting you; you can either reinforce that trust, or tear it down.
Thoughts…….. Contact me at abbe@TECResourceCenter.com